Spencetology

“Fly Solo” on United

In the movie The Hangover, Alan (Zach Galifianakis) and Phil (Bradley Cooper) discuss the legality of counting cards while gambling in Vegas.

Alan Garner: “It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.”
Phil Wenneck: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too.”
Alan Garner: “Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.”

All your wildest dreams will come true “After the Midterms.”

It was a joke.

For a 25-year-old United Airlines passenger this wasn’t funny. It actually happened.

What can you do with duct tape that hasn’t been done before? How about secure a racist, unruly airline passenger? Yup. Here’s a song about it.

On a regional flight from Rochester, New York to Newark, New Jersey, a female passenger said she felt “trapped” when her seatmate began to jerk off.

C’mon man! Use the plane lavatory. Grab one of those blue blankets. Like Phil said in the movie, “That’s illegal.” More than that, it’s disgusting. He left the plane without consequence, while she was offered a $100 credit on her $400 flight.

Reporting suggests the airline didn’t do much to protect the woman. The flight was sold out. She stood for most of the flight but was told to return to her seat for landing. By mid-flight, he had already reached his destination.

Hey, there are all kinds of tiers of customers when you fly. Maybe this one will come after military, or passengers with small children. Learn more about “Flying Solo on United Airlines.”