Spencetology

It was a Happy Halloween. There, on your bed, you’ve sorted through the evening’s spoils. Snickers, your favorite, have been sequestered to the right. To the left, the remaining fun-size, chocolate-based offerings. In the middle, a mountain of the worst of the worst: Smarties, Almond Joys, and those orange-and-black-wrapped peanut butter candies.

Check out a whole pillowcase full of Halloween bits.

You’d like to say you’re appreciative of anyone and everyone nice enough to spend their hard-earned money handing out candy to children they hardly know.

But you’re not. You’re just wondering how the hell you’re going to get rid of all these Smarties.