Spencetology

Breakfast FEMA

We lived in fear of Diarrhea Lettuce. Was it Taco Bell? Was it Taylor Farms? All you’re trying to do is get a little roughage, and a week and a half later, you’re doing a Jackson Pollock in the employee bathroom.

Cyclospora for weight loss? Can you say, “Genius?”

But hey, you survived only to find out that the Salmonella may be sitting in an egg carton inside your refrigerator.

Midwest Poultry Services in Texas has recalled 1.6 million eggs that are suspected of being responsible for 98 people of causing sickness in 98, people and 26 hospitalizations across 17 states.

Check out the latest Song of the Week. NSFW – “Tongue My xxx Hole.”

Soon after, a recall of 12,000 pounds of bacon was announced. America was left wondering who was attacking our breakfast? What’s next, waffles? Hash browns? Our beloved Avocado Toast?!?!

Fortunately, like all other threats to Americans’ health (see COVID), the federal government has got it covered. Nothing to see here. Everything will be fine. C’mon, this is what we do.

If you’re worried about being affected by a breakfast natural disaster, don’t worry, Breakfast FEMA are scrambling to ensure the safety of America’s most important meal of the day.