Spencetology

Columbus Real Estate

For centuries, Christopher Columbus has been celebrated in textbooks as the intrepid explorer who “discovered” America—despite the rather glaring detail that millions of people were already living here.

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Columbus didn’t ask for a tour, fill out paperwork, or even knock. He just stepped into someone else’s coastline, declared, “This is mine now.” In modern terms, that isn’t sploration. That’s breaking and entering.

If Columbus pulled the same stunt today, he wouldn’t be on postage stamps—he’d be on an episode of Cops: Maritime Edition, being gently escorted off a stranger’s lawn while shouting something about Spain and destiny. But while most of us agree that claiming occupied land by yelling loudly wouldn’t hold up in court now, there seems to be one bold new real estate agency ready to revive that pioneer spirit—minus all the pesky legalities.

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Enter Columbus Real Estate, the only agency that looks at a fully inhabited suburban duplex and sees “unexplored territory.” Why bother with appraisals, loan approvals, or respecting human boundaries when you can simply reenact 1492 with better Wi-Fi? This isn’t your typical brokerage. There are no closing costs—just a closing ceremony, where you plant a flag in the HOA landscaping and declare the cul-de-sac for your chosen nation.

While traditional firms might mention things like “current owners,” Columbus Real Estate uses more inspiring language—like “undiscovered opportunity.” It’s not trespassing, it’s manifest destiny with better branding. After all, if Columbus could do it in 1492 and get a federal holiday out of it, why shouldn’t you get a granite countertop and open-concept kitchen the same way?

And with that…