Spencetology

The World Cup Is Coming

Every four years, America sets aside its irrational dislike of “the beautiful game” and embraces football, or soccer.

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This year, though, there’s a little extra frosting on this football, er, soccer cake. The World Cup is being hosted in North America – games played all across the United States. Seattle, L.A., Kansas City, Miami, etc., will all get a taste of a game most Americans couldn’t give two shits about.

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Americans need a clear-cut winner. We don’t believe in “draws.” (That’s another word for a tie game.) We call it a field, not a “pitch.” And, clearly, the NBA notwithstanding, we get uncontrollably angry when someone flops, writhing on the ground as if they were stabbed multiple times.

Nonetheless, the World Cup is here for 39 days of 0-0 draws and countless goals called off thanks to VAR. (Video Assistant Referee) Who cares, right? Bring on the real football…American football.

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