Spencetology

Zayn, Don’t Say Goodbye

If you ask me, Zayn Malik was the heart and the soul of British boy band, One Direction. Strong and silent…I mean…unless he was singing then he wasn’t so silent, obvi. Cuz…ya can’t silently sing. Rugged good looks with his intentional, well-manicured scruff and that felicitous curl cascading over his forehead, Zayn epitomized glamour, success and beauty.

With the world and a horde of 12 year old girls at his feet, Zayn has made the decision to leave the band for good. He said, “My life with One Direction has been more than I could ever have imagined. But, after five years, I feel like it’s now the right time for me to leave the band. I’d like to apologize to the fans if I’ve let anyone down.”

You have, Zayn. And that person you’ve let down is ME!

Come on…world travel…more money than God…an endless buffet of bitches…WHAT. ARE. YOU. THINKING, MAN?!?!?!?

Here are my heartfelt sentiments regarding Zayn’s departure in this parody of of 1D’s “Story of My Life” in “Zayn, Don’t Say Goodbye.”