Spencetology

Top Gun: Medicare

The year is 2052, another 30 years has passed, and we once again catch up with Pete “Maverick” Mitchell. the final of three, high-flying “Top Gun” features – Top Gun: Maverick.

We’re not really sure why we don’t catch up with him in, I don’t know, ten years, but Mav is now approaching 90 and he still has the need for speed. Due to his advanced age, though, that speed is typically used to get to the bathroom as quickly as possible. Ironic, isn’t it? He used to be able to could control a world class fighter jet. Now, Mav struggles to control his own bladder.

He’s not fighting ghosts any longer, since he’ll be a ghost soon enough. Ask him about “Goose” and he might tell you his favorite fairy tale. Tell him the story about flipping the bird to that Mig pilot, and he’ll tell you how much he loves rotisserie chicken. He also refuses to eat that chicken unless he’s inverted.

Yeah, he’s traded in is F/A 18 Super Hornet for a Rascal scooter in cherry apple red. His most recent girlfriend, Gayle, used to ride on the back, until she fell off in a Walgreens and broke her hip. To this day, he recounts the story by yelling, “Mayday! Mayday!” Then, describing how the scooter went into a flat spin over the Pacific. It was actually aisle 4…where they keep the suppositories.

Coming to theaters July 4, 2052, Tom Cruise in “Top Gun: Medicare. You can be Mav’s wingman, since all of his other wingmen, ya know, are dead.