Server Sets Sweet Talk Record
Posted by admin on September 4, 2023 Blog | Prep | Tags: comedy, Original, satire, Spence, The Onion | No comments
In a gratuitous attempt to gain favor with diners at table six of the Gas Grill Family Restaurant in Knightsville, Indiana, Beatrice Farley set a sweet talk world record by using the most individual terms of endearment during one meal.
What started with a, “Welcome to the Gas Grill, lovebugs,” ended with, “You enjoy the rest of your day, sweethearts.” The server dished out 39 different terms of endearment during one family’s early Sunday afternoon visit.
Hear my musical tribute to August, 2023.
“Server? Honey, I’m a waitress. How ’bout you put your wokeness in a doggy bag and take it home with you,” said Ms. Farley, a buxom, outspoken, divorcee who has worked at the diner for 23 years.
The former record holder, bartender Shelly Spooner of Manitowoc, Wisconsin, presented 37 pleasantries with an individual customer at the Fat Seagull Bar & Grill in June of 1997.
Read about an old couple admiring an old, covered bridge.
Ms. Farley’s barrage of niceties continued through the meal with: “You wanna refill of Diet Coke, sugar?” “How’s them eggs doin’ ya, darlin’?” And, “Hotcakes, how’s your hotcakes?”
The friendly banter, on occasion, does rub some customers the wrong way.
“She’s always calling my Maynard, “sugarplum.” He’s my sugarplum and has been for 41 years. Not yours, Flo,” said one annoyed customer.
After learning of eclipsing a world record that stood for more than 26 years, Ms. Farley was appreciative, but logical.
“Listen, hot stuff,” summarized Ms. Farley, “This old cake is day-old and dried up. The only way it’s going to make any money at this bake sale is with a whole lotta frosting. You get me, buttercup?”
Ms. Farley’s world record sweet talk included: baby, babe, babes, li’l baby, sweetbaby, sweetheart, sweetie, sweet stuff, sweetums, sweetpants, hotpants, hotcakes, hot stuff, sugar, sugarplum, sugarlover, sugartits, buttercup, huckleberry, honey, honeybun, bunny, muffin, bunnymuffin, bunnymuffinsweetass, pumpkin, cupcake, honeymuffinpumpkincake, darlin’, doll, dollface, dearie, dove, turtledove, love, lovebug, pet, possum and sugarcakehoneypumpkinberrydove.
