Spencetology

Idea Sheet

What Did You Swallow? – Get your mind out of the gutter. I saw this story. Man Swallows AirPods While Sleeping. Apparently, it is dangerous to sleep with your earbuds. Dude woke up and discovered that one of his AirPods were missing. He spent an hour shoveling snow trying to find it. (Shit, at $250 for the Pros, I’d be busting my ass too.) Then, he noticed he had an uncomfortable blockage in his chest. He goes to the doctor. Mystery solved. So, tell us what you’ve accidentally swallowed…perhaps even on purpose.

Please don’t ask why but I swallowed a bunch of coins one time to see how fast they would travel through my system. Honest to God, I was really hoping to shit out a nickel. I was in my 30’s, by the way. Idiot.

Trading Up? – I didn’t even know that Green Bay Packers QB, Aaron Rodgers was even dating “Big Little Lies'” Shailene Woodley, let alone engaged. WTH?!?! Now, I was always a fan of his ex, Danica Patrick. She’s hot. She’s short. Can drive the F out of a car. They only broke up after 2+ years like, what…summer of ’20. So, Shailene and Aaron, at best, are seven months in? Damn?!? Is Shailene a trade up from Danica?

Number 12 has had a rich, A-list dating history. Danica, Shailene, and Olivia Munn. Tom Brady has a super model in Giselle Bundchen. It makes sense, doest’ it? If you’re at Rodgers’ level…a star NFL player, a multi-millionaire and all that, don’t you HAVE to marry wealthy and famous? Why would you marry ordinary? C’mon, if I got his money…sorry, Walmart, I ain’t shopping there anymore. Know what I’m saying? You’re on equal ground. You both are getting A-list game thrown at you so you have to know if you give in…she could also give in and find someone better.

Women with “Traditionally” Masculine Skills Turn Me On – Back to Danica. I don’t know why but part of what makes me hot about her is the car racing thing. I’ve got a thing for women that kick ass. Female cops. Bing! Female soldiers. Bing! Female rock band bass player…I can’t explain it…but I love it. Can anyone explain this? Listen, I’m not a cuck or anything…but maybe it’s a control thing. Am I slightly submissive? Hmmm

Gorilla Glue for your Hair? – Why would you do that? You saw the story of the woman that did this? Tessica used the spray adhesive on her head and ended up in the ER for 22 hours. Apparently, she still can’t get the glue out and has lawyered up. Get this. The label reads to not use on eyes, skin or clothing but fails to mention hair. So, Tessica believes that was misleading because the product claimed to be “multi-use.” Also, this idiot has set up a GoFundMe for her medical bills…and has raised more than $9,000. You know damn well she’s going to win some sort of settlement. Ridiculous.

Did you ever do something stupid…use a product for something that wasn’t what it was really designed for? Or maybe you have a life hack that you’ve found a product, that while not designed for a task, actually works great. (I still use Coca Cola to clean my pennies. I don’t really.)