Spencetology

Idea Sheet 11/11/2019

Amazon or Not – Amazon decided to pull down a unisex shirt that has been on the website since June because of complaints. Oh, the shirt reads, “Daddy’s Little Slut.” It got me thinking…what other weird or inappropriate things can you find on Amazon…let’s play a game:

• Radioactive Uranium Core AMAZON (Useful for testing Geiger counters & for performing nuclear experiments – $39.99)
• A Wall Decal of Senior Citizens in a Golf Cart AMAZON (An 18″x12″ peel and stick graphic – $21.96. Also available – a wall decal of a senior woman with asthma & inhaler)
• Abraham Lincoln Themed Booty Shorts NOT (With “Abe” emblazoned across the back and an image of the 16th president on the front, You can show your patriotism and dat fat azz.)
• Donkey Snot Wheel Bearing Grease NOT (Made from real donkey, Donkey Snot is the world’s most effective bearing grease)
• A Real Human Finger AMAZON (From Skulls Unlimited, an actual metacarpal bone. These are real bone and may have minor, natural imperfections as found in all living species. – $15.00 You can also get fibula and rib bones.)
• Dancing with Cats (book) AMAZON (A book that captures the original mystery and magic of cat dancing – $13.22)
• Dionne Waiters Edible THC-infused Gummies NOT (10mg assorted flavor gummies, molded in the likeness of Miami Heat small forward, Dionne Waiters)
• Real Kardashian Dust NOT (Collected during the first 16 seasons of the hit E! reality TV show “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” each jar of Kardashian Dust may have enough magic to make you star. Also available “Musk of Disick”)
• Earthworm Jerky AMAZON (No artificial coloring. No artificial flavors. I mean why would you want to ruin the natural taste and color of earthworm. Losta protein…also, not fried. – $13.99)
• The Winerack Bra AMAZON ( A comfortable sports bra with polyurethane bladder holds 25 ounces of your favorite beverage. – $28.99)
• Oakland Raiders owner, Mark Davis Wig NOT (Just win, baby with a wig in the style of Oakland Raiders owner, Mark Davis’ hair)
• Nothing AMAZON (For the person that has everything…nothing. Basically empty packaging. I’m not kidding. – $9.78)

What Vice Would Get You? – A hilarious Reddit study found that Houston Rockets superstar James Harden plays worse in cities that have awesome strip clubs. We saw that Miami Heat forward Dion Waiters overdosed on edibles on a flight. Even if I was talented enough to be a professional athlete or be world famous actor or musician, I would get caught up in something. With all that money something would give. So, if you were famous, what would cause you to screw it up? a.) Sex, b.) Drugs/booze, c.) Spending habits, d.) A false sense of invincibility (mental & physical)

Love Card Stash Uncovered – My husband and I decided we wanted to have a garage sale. (Well, I decided. He reluctantly agreed.) I started going through stuff in search of items we could sell. In our closet, I found a box filled with assorted phones, chargers, electrical cords and such and under all of that was a stash of cards and notes from husband’s ex. We’ve been married 10 years. That relationship ended a year or so before we met. I was like, “Okay, he just kept them in a box and forgot about them.” Until, I opened one and it was dated February of LAST YEAR!!! It was a Valentines Day card addressed to his office and a note inside that read she should have never let him go and that she thinks about him all the time…signed, “Forever your Valentine.” WTH?!?!? So many questions…is he having an affair. If not, why has he kept his secret love note stash? Has he kept in contact with her all these years?