Spencetology

Idea Sheet 1/6/20

Who’s On Your Presidential List? – Last week, President Obama put out a list of his favorite TV shows. “Fleabag” was on it. The star of that show, Phoebe Waller-Bridge while winning the Golden Globe for best TV actress, said that the former president has always been on her “list.” Who is on your presidential list? Let’s say, you name three…I’ll go with Obama, Kennedy and Dubya…with Clinton in a close fourth. Flip it the other way…Trump, Washington (wooden teeth, blech) & William Howard Taft.

Too Soon for Valentines Day? – Target is in full VDay mode. Aisles upon aisles of heart-themed crap. I’m not against the Hallmark holiday I just find it the tackiest of holidays. I get it, for a retailer that’s the next biggie of the gift giving holidays but it’s like ugh. Maybe the rule should be that you can’t start with Valentines Day merch until your neighborhood’s last Christmas decorations come down.

• While walking with your SO through the Valentine’s Day aisle do you feel pressure or is it convenient reminder that you had better not drop the ball this year?

• Women, do you really want a cheesy celebration of love displayed by something purchased at Target…ya know, the giant card, a stuffed animal, a Hallmark card over-wrought with sentimentality? What would you REALLY like for Valentines Day? Tell em now, more than a month out, so they have less of a chance of screwing it up.

Left Out – Buckingham Palace released a photo of Queen Elizabeth with her three heirs. Son, Prince Charles, grandsons Prince William and great grandson, George. Now, I get it, they’re Royals, so Andrew (pervert) and Harry and the other members of the royal clan understand why they’re not invited for this particular photo shoot. But what about George’s sister Charlotte?…ya think, she’s like, “this is some bullshit, why does George get to be in the pic with Nana?” She’s four. You can explain it to her until your blue in the face and she’ll be like…nuh uh.

• Have you ever been left out of a family event…photo or otherwise? Did you purposely leave a family member out…and for what reason?

• Do you do family portraits? When was the last one? Was it a disaster? (I mean, if it wasn’t…that’s lame.) Do you have one above the mantle or in the dining room and you just hate something about it? My favorite is the classic “let’s all wear white shirts and blue jeans.” Points for originality on that one.

World War III – With all of the images on TV of what’s going on Iran and the threats from both sides and the true danger we are facing with an escalation between Iran and the U.S….how do you address it with your kids? Do you at all? My niece and nephew have iPads…while they’re set to kid mode, they can still see or even hear adult conversations about the threat? As a parent, how do you navigate it?

Jay Z & Bey BYOB – At the Golden Globes, Beyonce and her man brought their own champagne and shared it with table they were sitting at. My buddy Paul and I kinda did the same thing at his going away party. We all went to meet a bunch of friends at a Spring Mountain Thai restaurant and we neglected to leave our roadies in the car. We walked into a, rather swanky restaurant, each of us with a Red Solo Cup. (You can take the boy out the trailer park…) I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I really didn’t, so I’m throwing back the remnants of my bourbon and the ice is rattling around inside the cup. That’s when I noticed people staring and I’m like…”What a hillbilly?!?!” The server did not seem to be pleased and hastily removed the empties.

• Felony or misdemeanor? Of course, you shouldn’t do that, right? But how serious of a crime was it?

• What is the most hillbilly of things you have done? Have you packed away food in your purse at a buffet? We sneak booze into Golden Knights games…in plastic flasks. Does that qualify?

• Do you have a friend or family member who regularly embarrass you because they have no ability to judge what is proper and what is not?