Spencetology

Idea Sheet 03/10/20

I Want My Step-Dad in the Delivery Room – (Female late 20’s) “My mom and dad divorced when I was seven. When I was 11, Anthony officially came into my life when he married my mom and for the 17 years, I haven’t called him a step or “Tony,” he’s always been “dad.” My real dad is not a bad guy, he just wasn’t around for a lot of those years when I was growing up. The last ten years ago we’ve developed a decent relationship.

That relationship has become strained, once again, as I enter the eighth month of my pregnancy because I told him I wanted Tony in the delivery room when my first child was born. I don’t know how my biological dad doesn’t understand this. It’s not a competition. Wait til he finds out that my husband and I want the baby to have Anthony as its middle name.

Rich Uncle Pennybags – Our boss has his job because of his family. It’s pretty clear. He hasn’t done, really, anything on his own. He’s has tons of money, a big boat out on Lake Mead, a house in The Ridges…all of it. So, behind his back, the catty bitches that we are, we nicknamed him “Rich Uncle Pennybags.” I swear to you, he’s a monocle away from being the Monopoly Man. The name along makes us all laugh hysterically. Well, it used to. He, somehow, found out about his nickname and his hellbent on finding out who named him that. I am a prime suspect.

• Has anyone else given a co-worker, boss or family member an unflattering nickname? Did you get caught?

• How about nicknames early in life? I was named “Foop” by my uncle after a toddler-aged open diaper wall painting incident. Also, as an adolescent, due to my German last name was referred to as “SnotSlinger.”

What Got Cancelled? – So, they’re moving Coachella to October. I’ve heard Pearl Jam and Madonna have cancelled shows all due to the Coronavirus. Illness, emergency, etc….have you ever had some big event you were going to get cancelled last minute? My mom is a HUGE Barry Manilow fan. He was performing in Vegas. I bought her a plane ticket and tickets to the show and Barry called in sick. Sumbitch! What caused your big night, trip or what not to get cancelled?

Learning a Language – I would love to get the Rosetta Stone and actually learn French or German or something. I took the required two years of a foreign language in California growing up. Espanol. And, like most, I got a bunch of swear words out of the deal and how to ask where the bathroom is. Typically, I can pick up a few words here and there if I’m listening to someone speak Spanish. Then…I started watching Narcos on Netflix. Holy S***! Real Spanish is next level stuff. I’m trying to keep up and it flows and moves and I’m like…I can NEVER learn to actually speak Spanish.

• Have you, as an adult, actually learned how to speak a foreign language? Is this like trying to learn the piano as an adult. It’s like good luck, but your brain doesn’t have the flexibility to retain the information like it did when you were a kid?

Campaign Slogan Game – We did this, must have been for the mid-terms. You say your name, followed by 2020, then read the last text message you sent. It really did turn out very funny.