Idea Sheet 02/28/2020

Posted by admin on February 27, 2020 Prep | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | No comments

Don’t You “God Bless” My Man! – We’re sitting at the bar in Chili’s. To our right is a couple. A pair of chairs down from them is a woman, sitting solo, enjoying her wine spritzer. The man sneezes and before the girlfriend can mutter a word, the solo girl blurts a “God bless you.” The man says, “Thank you.” His girl gave the girl a bit of a look.

  • Did the single girl break “girl code” with her pre-emptive God bless you? Should you ever throw out a God bless you to someone who is, obviously, paired up with someone?

I’m a God bless you guy. Quick draw too…Sneeze…bam, I’m on it. I did this. I was in Walmart and a woman sneezed and instinctively, I delivered the God bless you not realizing her husband was standing right there. It seems like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode…Hell, maybe it is.

Snakes? No, Thank You – A Colorado couple had 150 snakes removed from their home. GTFO!

  • What did you find at your house that freaked you the fug out? In Vegas, it’s not unusual to see scorpions in your house. I’ve seen them and killed them a few times. In my studio, I saw one that scurried underneath my desk…I couldn’t find it…I thought for sure, when I least expected, that sumbitch was going to sting me.

Digital Pirate – So, this has got to be illegal but I downloaded some apps through my Firestick that allows me to see first run movies in my house. I watched “Jojo Rabbit” and “1917” the other night from the comfort of my own bedroom. I didn’t hack anything or put some add a chip to the stick. These apps are downloadable…and, for the most part, function pretty well.

  • It feels like I’m breaking the law…but am I? Are you of the belief that stealing is stealing whether it’s a case of beer from 7-11 or a Hollywood blockbuster piped into one’s home?
  • What is the line for “appropriate stealing?” Is there one? Like, if you eat a couple of grapes from the bag that you’re purchasing…I mean it’s by the pound…so…is that stealing? Is pirating a movie stealing?

Unemployed – I’m going on 60 days now of not having a job. I’m okay. I have some money so I’m not going to lose my house or go onto welfare anytime soon. (By the grace of God.) When I meet friends out, for drinks or lunch and whatnot, they always try to pick up the check. I appreciate it but, ya know, it’s not necessary. I can cover my own shit or I wouldn’t go out in the first place. To be clear, I’m not ungrateful and if they do let me pay, I give em a good ration of shit over it! HaHa.

  • If you’re meeting a friend out who you know is unemployed do you figure in your head that you will be paying the bill?
  • Are there certain rules that apply? Like, if the unemployed dude asked the other person to lunch…it’s Dutch right?

What Made You Feel Old Today? – I just saw that the “Malcolm in the Middle” kid got married. WTF?!?!? Frankie Muniz married Paige Price. (???) Ya know he’s 34, right? Jesus?

Theme Park/Carnival Fails – I saw that one of the Disney Jungle Cruise boats sank! (I hope no one was eaten by an animatronic crocodile!) The one in Orlando. Everybody was fine. Some of those DisneyLand rides have always been kinda suspect. Not that you’d get hurt but “It’s a Small World” always seems kinda janky. So does the Matterhorn.

  • Have you ever had a theme park mishap? Now, no death tales. Have you been left hanging upside down? Did the Soaked Rapids ride stop underneath the waterfall. Fuggers! Did you lose your phone on the loopy loop?

Bonus Mom – Yeah, that’s what Gisele Bundchen prefers to be called instead of “stepmom.” Her husband of 11 years, the GOAT, Tom Brady has a 12 y/o with actress Bridget Moynahan.

  • What do you go by…does “step” bother you? How about the other way around. What if you found out that your ex’s wife makes your kid call her mom, as well?

You’re NOT Her Mom – (female mid-30’s) My asshole ex, Bryan, married some 24 year old girl who has decided to make my daughter call her mom when she stays at their place. I AIN’T HAVIN’ IT! The kid is five. The kid is mine and she will not be calling my ex’s flavor of the month, mom, mommy, mama, or anything other than Tiffany. My ex, who has no balls, has tried to temper the issue…but Tiffany is of the belief that because my daughter is over there nearly half of the week and that she is providing motherly duties, that she deserves the title. F*** she does! That child came out of my vagina. I’m its mother. End. Of. Story.