DeSantis to Ban Rainbows

Posted by admin on February 18, 2023 Blog | Prep | Tags: , , , , , , | No comments

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At a rally in the North central Florida city of Macclenny, possible presidential candidate, governor Ron DeSantis said he intends to ban rainbows statewide.

“The extreme left has colluded with science and nature to create rainbows in order to promote gay and trans lifestyles,” alleged the second-term governor.

The latest effort comes as DeSantis broadens his culture war against the left’s “woke agenda.”

An soon-to-be illegal rainbow of the northeast coast of Florida.

“We will eliminate rainbows,” barked DeSantis, “then soap bubbles and My Little Pony Rainbow Dash.” “Then we will go after the true LGBTQ+ groomers – Skittles!”

The crowd, made up of mostly old, obese, white people, bristled at the suggestion of a Skittles ban.

“I get it. I do,” said one toothless observer. “The slogan, ‘Taste the Rainbow,’ sounds pretty gay to me.”

“Last week they told us we needed to stop eating M&Ms. Now Skittles?” asked a woman wearing a tight-fitting LGBTQ shirt – “Liquor, Guns, Bacon, Tits & Qanon.”

“I’m gonna have to disagree with the governor on this one,” she asserted. “He can have my Skittles when he pries them from my cold, dead, gingivitis-addled mouth.”

We are the Sunshine State not the sunshine and raindrops state.”

Governor Ron DeSantis

DeSantis proclaimed, “The woke left’s scientists will say that rainbows are a natural phenomenon. But I say it is unnatural to use sunlight and rain drops to indoctrinate Florida’s children.”

“We are the Sunshine State not the sunshine and raindrops state,” said DeSantis.

The governor also laid out a plan to eliminate all school library books and text books that include information about rainbows.

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When reached for comment, aging animated star, Rainbow Brite said, “Ain’t this some bullshit? Time to bring the Color Belt out of retirement and whoop some gubernatorial ass!” exclaimed Brite.

The Republican sponsored “Rescind the Rainbow” act could be debated in the Florida legislature as early as mid-April. Opponents of the bill include Democrats, gay rights activists and leprechauns.

by Spence
February 20, 2023